Some criticism would be nice....

[CoKeS]

this is a poem I wrote a couple of minutes ago, and it was one of my first attempts of writing one that somewhat rhymes, so I wanna know what everyone thinks of it, enjoy....


I see you walking down the street, kicking up dust with your lazy feet
A lot of people see you coming, and they’re quick to get out of your way
Before you start something, a tantrum, or a fit, whatever it is, everyone
Knows that you’re a bitch, but I’ve had enough of this boring game, everyday
Is exactly the same, and you’re on the winning team, holding the trophy high
And pointing your pistols up towards the sky, you pull the trigger with ease,
Always dangling the prize right in front of us, like some sort of tease, it makes
Me happy knowing that we’ll never be friends, so don’t blame me if I don’t catch
On to your foolish trends, I’d rather live in complete disarray than listen to Anything you have to say

[Evycakes]

that was great .... i write stuff too .. most people dont get it .. but it means alot to me .. and it helps to let out your emotions .. good job .. woot woot

[rivalhools]

i'm not quite sure about it, it's hard for me to understand it as it's not very 'poem shaped' and as you don't use punctuation (no criticism, that's normal, i know) i hardly understand it.

[Castro]

sounds pretty cool but i've never been big on poems or lyrics

[nastia]

very nice. i like it

[soniktruth]

i like it, i'm gonna dedicate it to my ex-bitch

[CoKeS]

thanks for all the feedback everyone, I really appreciate it.