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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 21, 2009 14:07:21 GMT -5
i am just going to copy/paste this post from another board. i'm looking for any input i can get...
i was in a relationship of 5 years up until about two months ago. now that that has come and passed, two girls have since showed interest in me. i promised myself that i would not get back into a committed relationship for at least 6 months so that i could straighten some shit out in my own life, but i am not opposed to dating around or, heaven forbid, getting laid.
i have never so much as kissed a girl that i wasn't in a relationship with at the time, so to me the thought of a fling seems pretty bizarre. more importantly, though, is the fact that both of the girls that are now interested in me are, one more so than the other, friends of mine.
i have no problem being perfectly honest with either of them, but i feel like if i sit down and explain to them that i'm not in a position to commit, i will come off as an asshole. on the other hand, i fear that if i let things progress as they are now, i might end up hurting one or both of them down the road. keep in mind that i don't know how hooking up outside of a relationship goes, so i don't know if i am completely overanalyzing the situation or not. also, it should be stated that they both know that i am recently out of a long term relationship.
so here is my question:
if you were in one of their positions, would you prefer to talk about what you and i are looking for and go from there, or would it be better to just let things work themselves out?
here is where things get complicated. as of last night, i just found out that these two girls know each other. i don't know how well they know each other, but it still seems to make things a little more difficult.
all in all, just throw out your take on the situation. it comes down to the fact that i consider them both to be friends, enjoy both of their company, and find them both attractive, but i've lost a good years ago because something like this wasn't handled very maturely. i would rather it remain at friendship and look elsewhere for anything physical than to end up screwing up things as they are now.
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Post by Evycakes on Mar 21, 2009 14:43:04 GMT -5
lol - love the title of the thread, reason being I don't think I would say the same about Men but that is solely my opinion.
okay back to business here ...
being honest from the start is ideal in any situation
There is nothing wrong with telling a girl that is interested in you that you are not ready to commit, but in this situation, because you don't know what their intentions are ... assuming is never good.
You gotta play it as it happens ... everyone is different ... but do pay attention for anything that they might do or say that implies that they want a full on relationship (if that is not what you currently want)
If they are your really good friends and anything "flingy" happens then drama will follow... but that is not always the case... I would say be on your toes... use your judgement. If you both set out ground rules from the start ... feelings change as time goes by ... so you always want to keep being honest with what is on your mind at the time .. at the end it could even be you that ends up getting hurt.
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 21, 2009 15:05:31 GMT -5
i agree with you completely, but i still have one hesitation.
with one of the girls, there has been obvious physical interest shown. in this case, i see no reason to not go ahead and have a chat about the situation.
with the other, however, the chemistry is always flirtatious, but i don't want to jump the gun if it is just how we interact. i guess i feel i should wait just a bit so i don't make an ass out of myself if there isn't really anything there.
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Post by Evycakes on Mar 21, 2009 15:19:17 GMT -5
yeah ... you gotta use your judgement all girls are different - take it as it comes ... have a plan ready and be quick draw mcgraw
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 22, 2009 2:14:52 GMT -5
to make my life easier, any and all women who are interested should be mandated to approach me and say, "hey, i find you attractive. here is my phone number if you want to hook up later."
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Post by soniktruth on Mar 22, 2009 19:48:06 GMT -5
bro. as long you don't promise anything, like a relationship or love, there should be a mutual understanding between two adults. being too honest up front will surely decrease your chances to get laid. by the way, what is your avatar?
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 22, 2009 20:05:31 GMT -5
the avatar is the cover of the toadies 2nd full length release, hell below/stars above.
in all honesty, as far as your comment goes, i'm realizing that the issue may be entirely with me. i feel like i don't want to do anything that could potentially cause anyone else strife, regardless of how unlikely it is. i'm pretty sure i've lived the last 23 years of my life being overly considerate to the point of limiting myself. that might sound like an assholish thing to say, but a friend of mine just told me the other day that until this miniature rebirth i've been going through that i was living life like a 40 year old man.
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 22, 2009 22:14:31 GMT -5
just got a call up from one of the lady friends to come over, so we'll see how this turns out...
wish me luck
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Post by Evycakes on Mar 23, 2009 0:06:56 GMT -5
good luck young man!
like Napoleon Dynamite said .... "listen to your heart"
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 23, 2009 1:43:31 GMT -5
tonight was cool. we just kicked around her apartment for a while and hung out with her room mate and her boyfriend for a bit. afterward, we watched daria, which was a very welcome surprise. besides that, we did all the things that guys secretly enjoy but never admit because they aren't considered manly...traded massages, chatted about how life's a bitch, etc. things didn't get overly physical, but she told me i was welcome to stay over at her place if i wanted. i passed, because
1) if she just wanted me to stay the night to sleep and keep her comfortable, that seemed like a fast way to potential relationship emotions
2) the offer came up after she stated she needed to get to work early in the morning, so it didn't seem like it was a sleep over for unmentionable reasons
3) i am basically a 10 year old in a 23 year old body and don't know how to handle myself around women.
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Post by Evycakes on Mar 23, 2009 2:40:50 GMT -5
awwww lol ... the tension!!!!
I wish I knew what to tell you ..... I dunno .. maybe.. start dropping hints ... joke about it .. see how she reacts .... =\
I am not a flinger so..... I don't think I have good advice for you LOL sorrry!!!
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 23, 2009 3:23:39 GMT -5
thank you for your concern. i am not, as you put it, a "flinger" either.
my ex is the only person i've been with, and we were together for something
like 8 or 9 months before that came about.
but in all honesty, i'm comfortable with the fact that i'm a pretty sexual person,
so i'd rather not have to repress that in the period that i'm giving myself away
from commitment.
with this girl, i'm pretty sure that if i just made a blatantly obvious move it
would be a given, but i still don't know how that will affect things down the road.
so for now i wait. i guess this is why people go for one night stands with strangers.
it is certainly less complicated, but i guess my inner hippie wants to be able
to have that connection with friends and it not negatively affect the friendship.
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Post by brian on Mar 23, 2009 23:08:35 GMT -5
rubberneck don't take this the wrong way, but i think you're overanalysing everything.
just go with the flow, have a good time, flirt a bit if you want but be a gentleman.
women complicate life, sure, but so does tax. and i like girls a lot more than paperwork.
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 23, 2009 23:15:16 GMT -5
i completely agree with you, but i don't know how to not overthink anything in life.
hopefully i'll come across some life-changing revelations on my road trip this week.
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Post by soniktruth on Mar 24, 2009 23:30:02 GMT -5
Zach, I was going through your photos of you and your ex. You guys look really happy. Especially you. Is that why you are confused? Are you forcing yourself to forget? Just a question bro. Please take no offense.
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Post by Rubberneck on Mar 25, 2009 2:41:16 GMT -5
i look happy because i was happy, there is no doubting that. however, a handful of photographs from years ago don't tell the stories of what happeend between, not to mention the last year. no one takes pictures of the bad times.
there are a lot of things in life that i am confused about, but i can say that i've needed the changes i've experienced in the last several months for years. it's not as if everything is perfect, but i went from living for the sake of meeting my parents expectations while i was in school and living at their house to immediately living for the sake of meeting my girlfriend's expectations for the last five years. i was too busy trying to keep everyone else happy that i never really learned to live for myself. now i'm just finding myself in social situations that everyone else learned how to deal with in their teens that i never came across.
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Post by Evycakes on Mar 29, 2009 21:38:21 GMT -5
young man .. just go with the flow - the greatest moments in life are the unplanned ones.
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Post by soniktruth on Apr 2, 2009 16:15:17 GMT -5
HOOK UP WITH BOTH OF THEM BRO!!!!!
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Post by Rubberneck on Apr 15, 2009 3:09:28 GMT -5
i have no idea what i am getting myself into...  |
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